Grief · Mental health

A time for grieving

If you have been following me on my old blog The Sparkling Darling and my Instagram, you know I was completely quiet from 10 November until mid-February or so when I slowly starting using Instagram again. And this week I started Finding Love & Happiness and will no longer be blogging on The Sparkling Darling.

The reason for my absence is because my beloved boyfriend passed away on November 13. Late afternoon on Thursday November 10 I got the worst phone call I could ever imagine getting. My boyfriend had had a heart attack while running with a friend and he had been taken to the hospital. Early Sunday morning on November 13 he passed away. I won’t go into any details on what happened during those awful days at the hospital. Maybe someday in the future I will write about it and share it. But for now, it is still too painful. I can barely even think of those days without getting panic attacks. Those days at the hospital were the worst days of my life, and looking back I have no idea how I got through them.

The following weeks after my boyfriend’s death are blurry and I don’t remember them very well. I got a sick leave from work and most of the time I was with my parents or stayed at my best friend’s apartment. I can honestly say I would not be where I am today if my parents and best friend hadn’t been there, and I am deeply grateful for those people. Even at my darkest and saddest I remember feeling extremely grateful for my wonderful support system.

On January 29, I moved to London to start my internship at Scan Magazine as a journalist intern. Believe me when I say this wasn’t easy. Most of the time I wanted to curl into a fist and just lie in bed but I knew it wasn’t an option. I was still alive and I had to start living my life again. I knew he would have wanted me to as well. Luckily some of my mom’s family live just outside London so I am living with them. They are the kindest, most loving and welcoming people you can possibly imagine, and they made the move to a new country so much easier. They are just wonderful people.

I have now been in London for two months, and I am moving on with my life. Life goes on – whether you want it to or not. My internship is going great, and everyone is so understanding about my situation. London is an amazing city and I love exploring it. I am doing better and I know I will find love (I mean love for life in general when I say love. Not necessarily love in a romantic way) and happiness again. I am not there yet but slowly one baby step at a time I am getting there.

I saw a therapist intensive for about three months after my boyfriend’s death but stopped when I moved to London. However, I am starting to see a dietician next week as I have been struggling with my body image and eating disorder (I suffered from an eating disorder for 8 years). I have also started doing yoga and meditate again this week, and I’m writing again. I am convinced those four things will help me tremendously with finding love and happiness again. I will keep you updated on my journey as often as possible. I will also do more posts in the future about losing someone you love, grieving and how to get through it all. If you have any questions at all, feel free to ask me in the comments or drop me an email.

Before I go I want to say one thing. Losing someone you love – even if it’s the person you love the most in the entire world like it was for me – moving on and living your life is possible. I know it doesn’t seem like it in the first few months but trust me, it is possible. I know it sounds cliché but your life will go on, you will smile and laugh again and one day you will also be happy again.

Love & Happiness

Heidi

 

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